lifehacker Lifehacker Lifehacker Lifehacker Negotiations to learn from psychopaths and charismatic managers "persuasive genius"

Baby and psychopath have one commonal point.The point is that it's good to get what you want.We may be able to learn the tips from them (apart from the baby's "dirty hand" of the baby and the psychopath).

This article was published in "PSYCHOLOGY TODAY".Of course, like a baby or a psychopath who doesn't know the favor, he doesn't say that it is a natural right to get everything you want.As many people claim, people need to learn to give rather than receiving something.

But on the other hand, some people are constantly stressed and confused in an attempt to get a blessed opportunity.Also, some people are not reluctant to demand what they want, but their requests are not effective.In the case of those who want to avoid collisions, they are often afraid to give their opinion clearly, and they often lose their respect and lose their respect.People who like fights are thrilling to push their claims, but in some cases they are disadvantaged.Also, if you are optimistic, you will be more likely to stick to your will than pessimistic.Pessimistic people tend to find the possibility of success in the first place from the beginning.

Whether you are aggressive, timid, positive, or negative, if such properties always work advantageously in achieving their goals, only the advantageous type will be selected in the process of evolution and survive.is.But that's not the case.This is because all of the nature listed, sometimes and in some cases, can be used to pass through their claims.Let's take a closer look at the following.

The starting point is the same, whether your goal is just a complaint or a global change.Let's start by thinking about the impact of that goal on other people and the relationship between the goal and the other cause.

Don't be emotional and complain to win

There are a lot of disdainful words that refers to those who complain only because of the blurry shop, non -polica, monster kramer.However, Dr. Guy Winch points out that if you acquire a trick that can effectively convey complaints, you can fulfill your wishes without complaining so badly.Dr. Winch's book, The Squeaky Wheel, explains how to convey effective complaints.

If you complain when you are inappropriate (for example, when another person is taking a spotlight or when your opponent is working on a bigger problem than your complaint), you have the impression that you are selfish.You may not be able to listen.Also, if you complain too much about a certain situation, your dissatisfaction will expand in a snowball style.Repeating anxiety can lead to depression.

The first step to effectively complain is to determine your wishes.Do you really want concrete results?Or do you just want you to understand your feelings?The former needs to complain, but in the latter case, what is needed is an outlet.Ideally, it's a good idea to tell the person who responds to that point.This is because if someone simply wants to solve a problem that you want to be messed up, you may not be able to have a decent discussion, which can be more troublesome than the first problem.

Once you have decided to complain, make a plan.First, let's determine what you want to get accurately (if you want to compensate, don't let anyone other than yourself decide what).Next, find someone with the authority to fulfill your wishes.And finally, find the best way to pull out what you want.

Every step is very logical, but when you are irritated and your blood rises on your head, you'll start to see your first goal.According to Dr. Winch, when trying to solve any problems, it is good to gradually move to a more difficult claim with the simplest claim.

The person who is complained will inevitably protect.You can even feel your mood more and more, saying that you say that it is your fault, and sometimes you say it is your fault.That's why you need to be more polite than usual, opposite your instinct."When you complain, this dilemma is always attached," says Winch."Do you want to pursue correctness? Or do you want to get good results?"

The way to prevent such a vicious cycle is the "claim sandwich" that Dr. Winch says.The "top bread" is the "good front of the ear".By writing at the beginning of the letter or saying at the beginning of the conversation, you don't have to give the impression that the complaint is being attacked.The part that corresponds to the "meat" of the sandwich is "concrete complaints and requests for corrections."And the "bottom bread" is the "good word for digestion", that is, a positive appreciation.This will enhance the impression that you are a rational person worthy of help.

Dr. Winch himself sent a "claim sandwich" to the landlord after having suffered from the noise of the construction site near his home for several months.In the letter, I first told me that I really liked his home and thanked for the stunning work of the management company.Next, I asked him to lower his rent to make up for it, as the productivity as a writer was reduced due to the constant noise.Finally, he understands that the noise is not due to the landlord, but he told the residents to consider the impact.As a result, he won the price reduction of rent for six months.

You should identify the other party's "hope"

Dr. Kevin Daton, the author of "Instant Personal -Ultimate Methods to Careful," spoke like this.

Daton analyzed many cases where persuasion was successful and derived some important rules.One of them is a tactic that sniffs the other person's selfishness, like this smart boy.

For example, let's say someone is talking about someone to invest in a new restaurant.Of course, you need a compelling business plan.However, in addition to the obvious merit of money, you also need to seriously consider the factors that draw the interests of the investment candidates.

For example, what if that person is a gourmet and dissatisfied with the quality of the restaurant in your city?Then, if you invest in your restaurant, you will be able to bring first -class ingredients and taste to the city and become a superhero in the gourmet world.Or, if you're a socially friendly master who likes to have a party, you can say that if you make your restaurant your salon, you can gather his friends and show good things.If you like interiors, tell the investor that you have the right to say about the interior and make the plan.

By appealing to the big goals and passions of the other person's life, the other person realizes that they can become a member of the exciting project.It is useless to treat it like a mere human ATM.

相手が何に心を動かされるかを見極めるためには、共感力が必要です。カリスマ性の高い人や、言葉巧みに相手を説き伏せるサイコパスを思い浮かべてみてください。世間のイメージとは違って、サイコパスは驚くほどの共感力を持っています。「（サイコパスは）相手の感情を読み、推し量るのに長けています。ただし、そんな時でも彼らは感情に流されません」。ダットン博士はこれを「冷たい」共感と呼んでいます。こうした人々から、誰にでも使えるヒントを引き出すならば、「戦略的になって、相手の気持ちを推し量るべし」ということです。それ自体は賢明な行為です。真似したからといって、誰もがサイコパスのように冷酷になってしまうわけではありません。

As with sympathy, it is "confidence" that Psychopath uses unexpectedly well."In many cases, we often give up on our demands because we are awkward," says Duton."Psychopaths are not detained by such anxiety, which is why they can get what they want."One of the ways to be confident and appeal to the surroundings is not to stick to the requests you request.That way, you should be able to convey the request with confidence.

You should determine the "need" of the other party

It is usually for you that you want loved ones to stop bad and non -productive habits.However, requesting "change here for me" creates psychological rebound.The same is true if "for me" means "I don't want to worry or worry about that person."Everyone is ordered to do something because they are unpleasant.

So, "If you say" you don't have to do it, you decide ", your opponent's resistance will disappear. Your opponent will follow your own thoughts without being tied to your thoughts."Dr. Michael Pantalon, author of "Six Steps to Change the opponent as expected -Instant Influen", explains.

Dr. Pantalon recommends the technique of "motivation interviews".This is a systematic dialogue method to make the other party think about why it should change.

The technique introduced in the above items and the way to match your goals and the opponent's goals is effective in various persuasive situations.However, if you want to stop chronic addiction or self -destructive action, it is not enough to do your best.You can't achieve your goals unless you motivate (motivation) from those who are captured by the habit.

For example, let's say you've been saying a long time to let your sister stop drinking.First of all, we've been applying pressure so far, so let's accept that we can't help but say the same thing.After all, whether to keep drinking her alcohol is what her sister himself decides.After a while, ask her sister, "What are the reasons if you want to stop drinking?"She may give some reasonable reasons.

Next, ask if you are prepared to change, and what a good effect will have if you change.Finally, if it has changed well, let's ask what you will do next."The reason my sister tells you may be the same as the reason you've always told her sister, but she has a much more power to get out of her sister's own mouth.Dr. Pantalon explains.

Motivation interviews can also help solve more trivial problems.For example, let's say your mother is angry with the son of a teenager.After returning from a baseball game and washing his face, he wiped the sink neatly.In such a case, you can say this.

"I've been saying it for a long time, but it doesn't heal at all. I'm 16 years old, so decide on what I said."As Dr. Pantalon says, at this stage, his son should see his mother with the eyes of "Is it crazy?"Then her mother continues:"I want you to wipe the sink neatly, but you don't have to do it, but I just want to ask, but if you wipe the sink, what's good for you?"His son's answer may be "released from noisy small words!", But he may admit that "the sink is dirty."

The important thing for the mother is to leave at this stage without saying anything."It's easier to remember the conversation halfway," explains Dr. Pantalon."If you leave it in the space, your opponent will feel uneasy."A teenage child may just feel uneasy, not just want to have a strange conversation with his mother, and then wipe it clean from the next time.

このテクニックは、自分自身に対しても活用できます。例えば、数カ月後にある同窓会のためにダイエットをしたいのなら、痩せたい理由を自問し、書き出してみてください。そのうちに、「きれいに見られたいから」という言わずもがなの理由よりも奥の深い、自分でも驚くような理由が出てくるかもしれません。例えば、「あのワンピースを着たい」と願っている以上に、「クッキーを食べたあとに抱く毎夜の後悔から逃れたい」と思っていることに気づくかもしれません。

Whatever your personal motivation, if you clearly find it, you will create the next step.Not to be told by someone, but to realize that you want it, creates great power.

Draw a vision that exceeds hope and need

スティーブ・ジョブズ氏は、エレベーター内で社員をクビにしたり、トップレベルのデザイナーやプログラマーを「まぬけ」と呼んだり、同僚の目の前で営業社員を叱りつけたりしたと言われています。ジョブズ氏の伝記『スティーブ・ジョブズの流儀』のなかで、著者リーアンダー・ケイニー氏は次のように書いています。「ジョブズにとって、（他人に対して）IQが100以上ありそうだと認めることは、熱烈な賛辞と同じだ」。

In addition, Cainy continues:"Jobs had a strong desire for control. A perfectionist, an eliteist, and wanted to manage all employees. In the opinion of Otakata, Jobs was on the border between insane and madness."Nevertheless, as the world knows, Jobs surely accomplish his feats -he pulled Apple back from the bankruptcy, expanded and raised it to a high -profit company.

Jobs has achieved his long -term goal of rebuilding Apple.Working in a good economy is also the benefit of employees, so the principle of "appealing the other person's wishes and needs" when persuading people would have applied here.Nevertheless, when structural reforms and complex organizations change colors, it is inevitable that some people will be uncomfortable in the process.

In the case of Jobs, the goal was to deliver the most innovative and easy -to -use high -tech products to the general public.In order to achieve that goal, we used the protruding personality of perfectionism and paranoid.In addition, he made the most of the natural political talent to instantly judge the person and bring out the maximum power.At the time of negotiations and presentations, they acted very easily and charming, but at another time they did not lose their cold and frightening attitude, so the employees were excited to please Jobs.Just like dealing with a great and outstanding father.

Some of these properties and tactics seem like a terrible behavior. However, in the case of Jobs and other "great intimidating", such properties can be huge. Dr. Roderick Kramer pointed out that there are two main reasons for this. According to Doctors, who are studying leaders who are loyal to others and are loyal to others, the biggest reason for such leaders is the talent that far acizins that the shortness and anger. Having a brain. For example, Martha Stewart may be difficult to handle. Nevertheless, "(Mr. Stewart) has a really good talent in her specialty, so she feels like she is learning from a master, even if she works with her a little. Dr. Kramer explains.

According to Dr. Kramer's research, another reason for a leader with an unpleasant personality is to talk about a fascinating vision that has a true passion and transcendence of money.In the case of Jobs, he said, "I want to hit the universe."Legal writer Kainy wrote:"In all aspects of career, Steve Jobs stimulates employees by giving a more noble mission, attracting software developers, and catching consumers. To create easy -to -use software.Jobs knew that he was not working in, and they work hard to change the world. "Cainy is summarized."A bad guy is fine. If you have a tremendous passion."

Nevertheless, no one agrees with the idea that "if you have an unusual talent, you can have an extraordinary tantrum."Dr. Ronald Riggio, who teaches leadership and organizational psychology at Clairmont Mackena College:"If you are prepared for any sacrifice, success is not impossible, but what will remain?You will lose some people. "

The "transformed leader" that Dr. Riggio is an ideal influencer (influential person) statue.Dr. Riggio says that the ideal is the person who polishes his subordinates, draws out the maximum abilities, keeps them high, and can be frankly conveyed without hiding their goals and strategies.

Both gentle people and great threats do not always succeed in persuasion.So you need to give up when your technique hits an impregnable wall.It has been known for a long time that all hopes are not always happy.

"6 persuasive weapons" to remember

Robert Chardini, an emeritus professor at Arizona State University and specializing in psychology and marketing, has cited six basic "weapons of influence."Both weapons will be an effective technique if you persuade, and if you are persuaded, you will be a trick that may be abused.

Originally, it is a principle for sales people, but it should be usable for you.Be careful for those who want to use the same technique for you.

The Art of Influence | PSYCHOLOGY TODAY

Carlin Flora (Original / Translation: Tomoyo Umeda / Galileo)