"Why" that breaks down the other person "Why" NG speaking of human relationships -Live -annus

At first, it is a desirable trend to become more and more natural, although they were nervous and reluctant to each other.However, I would like you to know that in a casual interaction, you may be angry or uncomfortable.

"I wish I could go first."

1.Are you using "You Message"?

For example, you were meeting with someone and you were late.Suppose you are sorry to the other person and say to the other person, "I wish I could go first."

Japanese is a language that omits the subject.I don't use "I" or "You".So, there are some parts that are difficult to understand, but the subject of "I wish I had gone ahead" is "you".The word "you" is called "you message" and the word "I message" is called "i message".

In the case of YOU messages, I feel like this because of you, "If you were doing this, I wouldn't have been in trouble" or "I didn't want to be backed up."If you hold it, it can be a way to blame the other person.

So the one who says is that you are blamed for what you have been waiting for.The waiting fried phrase and the delayed opponent can further damage.You can't help but feel uncomfortable with your opponent.

In this way, if you use "you" as the subject, the other person has a strong feeling of being blamed.

The reason why the order of "XX should do it" is hard to accept is that when you say "you should do it", you will be able to catch up.People are more aware of themselves when they are told in "You Message".

It is easy to accept if it is "i message"

For example, in the decision, "The next executive should do it" or "I want you to do the next executive", which one receives.Is it easy?The former is YOU message, and the latter is an i message.

Of course, words such as the tone also have an effect, but I think the latter is probably easier to receive emotionally.So, when you ask something, if you say "(I), I want to ask" instead of "(you)," it will be easier for you to receive the message.

Let's look back if you don't use you messages a lot.

2."Why" to chase your opponent

"Why don't you do ○○?"

If you are a problem solving or who tends to give advice, you often use the phrase "why".In fact, "why" is called "Dangerous Quest" and is a type of throwing that must be carefully noted.

When pursuing the cause at a meeting, this "why" is necessary.However, "why" related to feelings is a dangerous word to catch up with the other person.Sometimes the feelings cannot be described in the word "why".Also, there are many things that you know in your head (understand in reason), but you can't help (your feelings do not move).In psychology, it is said to be mismatch, but many worries and conflicts occur in this mismatch.

Even if you ask "why" what you can't do, you can only be chased, so you need to use "why" that mentions your feelings.I understand the feelings and feelings of the other person, but if you use "why", the distance between your opponent will still be away.

The word "great" is so inconvenient

3."Estimated"

I think that phrases such as "I brought it with great effort" and "I did it with great effort" tend to be used because it gets closer.It is a scene that is easy to get up as the intimacy increases or the exchange increases.

"A long time" can be a kindness of "I am giving you this way", and the obsessive -headed selling, "do not let my feelings down."For the other person, it can be annoying to break the heart.If you say it forcibly impose it, you will have a rebound feeling that you are not asking, and that is the contrary to your feelings that you want to play the role of the other person and want to be pleased.You can even get rid of it.

"I taught me, but why don't you do it?"

This is the worst pattern that contains three elements.The other person will be tired of you.

I don't think that the relationship will be cracked once by using these once, but if you use these phrases repeatedly in daily exchanges, the other party will be more uncomfortable.

The person who exchanges unpleasant exchanges is the personality that makes you want to keep as much as possible, so it will be unacceptable, and sometimes it will sometimes feel "suddenly" (actually small.The opponent may be separated).

In order to prevent relation deterioration, we hope that we will avoid using three phrases and nurture better human relationships.